


Smash

by magnuspr1m3



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst and Tragedy, Baby Peter Parker, Hurt Tony Stark, Intersex Loki, Loki Angst, M/M, Poor Loki, Sassfamily, Time Travel, Tony Stark Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-13
Updated: 2016-09-18
Packaged: 2018-08-14 19:13:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8025676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magnuspr1m3/pseuds/magnuspr1m3
Summary: He was waiting on the couch for Tony to return home when the lights became visible in the window. Red, blue, red, blue. Flashing. He sighs, shaking his head as he stands to answer the door. Had Tony gone and gotten himself arrested? How 'grown up' of him. The door opens, revealing a solemn looking police officer.
No Tony.
Loki cleared his throat, trying to quell the fear in his gut. It was fine. "Yes, officer?"
The man's eyes darted about, "May I come in, sir?"
That was an odd request. Loki blinked as he stepped back from the door, nodding. "Sure. May I ask why you're here, though? It's nearly four in the morning, officer…"
"Bryant." The man supplied quickly, stepping across the threshold and removing his hat. There was an awkward silence as Loki waited desperately for his question to be answered. He needed to know. "You may want to sit down."





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, this one is a real feels roller coaster. I have been working on this one for quite a long, long time, and finally feel that I have it how I want it, or as close to that as I can be, so here you go. I really hope you all enjoy it. This is unbeta'd, so any mistakes are my own. If you find something absolutely horrid, let me know.

" _Fine._ " That one word was so dangerous coming out of the demigod's mouth. Fine meant a multitude of things with Loki. It could mean he was happy, depressed, pissed off. Fine could mean the end of a life when coming from Loki's lips. With the harsh, blunt tone he used and the holes his eyes were boring into Tony's soul? He was about to die.

He reached out his hand to grip the other's wrist as he turned away. "Hey. Stop that. You know I didn't mean it like that, c'mon." He had to get Loki to see reason. Quietly. Peter was asleep in the other room, and the last thing they need to do was wake up the baby with their arguing again. Loki thankfully did not lash out like he had previous times. He was so tense, though. All of it was his fault. "Please, Loki."

"If you did not mean it _like that_ , then why even say it, Anthony? Tell me this." Loki snapped fiercely at him. He deserved the shock of fear it sent running up his spine, he did. His husband just rolled his eyes as he finally pulled his wrist away. "Of course."

This was getting out of hand. "It was two drinks, Loki! Two. Not a whole bottle of scotch!" He called as Loki tried to walk away. Peter would be up soon at this rate. There was no avoiding it. He strode after the other. "I didn't mean to say that, okay? You know I love you, dammit! You just make me so angry sometimes when you get all controlling! I'm allowed to have two drinks at a party!"

He nearly ran into Loki when he stopped and spun on his heels, glare like daggers. "That is still two drinks. You are not supposed to have them at all, Anthony, or have you forgotten that you quit that a while ago?" As Loki's voice starts to rise, Tony notices a soft whine in the background. Peter had awoken. Loki ground his jaw together before moving to go fetch the child, leaving the engineer in the living room by himself. Tony heard Loki enter Peter's room, heard him cooing to the infant to quiet him down.

The other was right. He always was. The two drinks were nice, but Tony had quit. He drank too much, and it was admittedly hard to resist having more than two. He had self-control. He could resist the urge. He had for this long and he could continue to do so now. Loki seemed to doubt he could. He was right, he should not have had those two, but who did he think he was, doubting Tony? How dare he?

Tony never thought straight when he was angry and had alcohol in his system. The cries of his son were just quieting down when he snatched up the keys and stormed out of their Malibu home, slamming the door. Peter wailed loudly at that. Loki was positively fuming, shushing the baby once more and refusing to go after the other. Let him leave, he thought. Maybe when he came back he would realize the error of his ways. Loki turned his full attention to the baby once more as he rocked him gently in his arms.

.  .  .

He was waiting on the couch for Tony to return home when the lights became visible in the window. Red, blue, red, blue. Flashing. He sighs, shaking his head as he stands to answer the door. Had Tony gone and gotten himself arrested? How 'grown up' of him. The door opens, revealing a solemn looking police officer.

No Tony.

Loki cleared his throat, trying to quell the fear in his gut. It was fine. "Yes, officer?"

The man's eyes darted about, "May I come in, sir?"

That was an odd request. Loki blinked as he stepped back from the door, nodding. "Sure. May I ask why you're here, though? It's nearly four in the morning, officer…"

"Bryant." The man supplied quickly, stepping across the threshold and removing his hat. There was an awkward silence as Loki waited desperately for his question to be answered. He needed to know. "You may want to sit down."

They moved back to where Loki was sitting before, not that he was very aware of himself actually moving and sitting down. This is how it happened in those wretched movies Tony always insisted on showing him. The officer tried to break the news gently. Offer his condolences. No, no one else got hurt in the crash. Died on impact. So sorry. Need you to identify the body to be sure. Sorry again. Have a good night. Then the man was gone.

And so was Tony.

He did not realize he had screamed until he heard the baby crying in the other room once more that night. It was not real. He had slipped into a slumber on the couch while waiting for Tony and the other would be home waking him up soon. But he knew better than believe that. Dreams and reality felt different. As much as he hated it, this was real. He had a crying baby to take care of. He had to be strong. For Peter.

Peter was standing in the crib, hands clinging to the bars to hold him up as he cried for Loki. When he spotted him one fist reached out for him, grabbing eagerly as the baby sobbed. Almost like he knew. Loki shushed softly as he reached out to pick Peter up with shaking hands. So much time around humans was getting to him. His emotions were showing too much. He could not do this.

He held Peter close to his chest, swaying a bit as he continued to try and shush the baby. It was not working, though. Babies were perceptive creatures, especially when compared to human adults. Little fists curled into Loki's pajama shirt; one of Tony's he had taken to wearing. It was a well-worn band shirt. The one Tony had been wearing during their first actual conversation when he had thrown him out of Stark Tower. Peter rubbed at his eyes with it, whimpering. "Ma?" His little voice trembled.

Tony taught him that. Loki despised it with a passion and would usually correct the infant. He was not a woman; he was a god. He did no such thing now, though. "Yes, my love, I am here. It will be all right, I promise. I will make sure of it." It would take time, he knew. But he would make good on his promise.

That was the answer, though. Time. He just needed _time_ and the right little touch of magic. He could fix this.

Loki's eyes snapped open when the door slammed shut _again_. It had worked. Of course it had worked. He continued to hold Peter as he rushed out the room. He needed to stop Tony. He held the baby tightly as he flung the front door open, trying to shield him from the cold the best he could. "Anthony!" He called as he watched his husband climb in the car. "Tony! Come back inside!" Tony needed to come back inside. He could not drive off. He could not die. The other just glared at him, climbing in the driver side of the expensive car- he never did bother remembering their names- and slamming the door. The engine started up and Tony started to pull out of the driveway quickly. He could not leave. Loki would not let him.

The car screeched to a stop, surprising both Tony and Peter, who hiccupped loudly in Loki’s arms. Loki had to keep him off the road. And he would by any means necessary. Tony climbed out the car looking as if he was ready to throttle someone until he saw the other's expression. Loki looked so relieved and frightened at the same time. It did a good job at sobering Tony up. Peter was crying softly in Loki's arms as he approached slowly. "What was that for, huh? Gonna try and control where I go now, too?" There was not much anger in his voice as he took in the sad sight of his family standing out there in the cold. Loki had cared enough to come after him, bringing little Peter with him. He shook his head with a sigh as he wrapped an arm around Loki's waist, leading him back to the house. "I'll move the car back in the morning. We've done enough arguing for one night. Let's just go to bed."

Loki explained it all as they lay in bed, Peter resting between them. It seemed impossible. "Won’t me living mess up the future or something?" Tony could not help but ask, because that's what happened in movies and on tv. He had a hand rested gently over Loki's where it was on Peter's chest, both of them rising and falling with his breaths. "Will the president get shot, or something?"

Loki scowled at the questions, a face that actually had Tony smiling a bit. "Your country can elect a new president if he does; I cannot get another you, though. It's selfish of me, but it is my only justification." Which was plenty enough for Tony's grin to expand.

"You love me." Tony's voice is a bit teasing as he stated this.

"I said no such thing."

“I love you, too.” Tony said. He had some odd little smile on his face that once would have made Loki question his motivation behind saying it, but at the thought of never seeing it again, Loki could find no annoyance in himself at the look. He simply nodded. There was no point in responding. The other knew how he felt.

The infant stirred beneath their hands, catching Loki’s attention. He scrunched his little face up, as if he were about to cry, when Tony leaned his face over his. Peter’s attention immediately went to his father, his face lighting up at the engineer’s grin. Loki pulled his hand back as Tony grabbed him under his armpits, rolling onto his back and holding the now giggling Peter above him. It was a bit of a shock how good Tony was with their son, especially after having expressed his distaste at having children. He liked to think that this made him less selfish in going back for the other; Peter needed both of his parents, after all.

.   .   .

If Loki could have kept Tony from going into the office the next day, or going anywhere near a car for the next few centuries, honestly, he would have. He had nearly fought Anthony again when the other started to get ready to leave. The thing keeping them from going at it all over again was Peter waking in their bed, fussing immediately and reaching for one of them. Loki had shot Tony a weary look as he went to cradle the infant to his chest, whispering softly to him as he pressed a soft kiss to the little tuft of dark brown hair on his head.

“Tell mama that he is being a worry wart for no reason,” Tony had joked some, moving over to press a kiss to Peter’s forehead, and then Loki’s lips. He elbowed the shorter man in the side when he wrapped an arm around his side; Tony just laughed. “Seriously, Lo. You worry too much. Happy is driving, and he a, does not drink, and b, is the best driver ever. You know that very well."

That did absolutely nothing to soothe Loki’s nerves.

“Dada, _no_.” Peter whined, reaching for Tony. Loki did not even bother to get rid of the smirk on his face. He loved how in tune with him their son was at times.

Tony groaned softly, taking Peter from Loki and sighing. “I have to go to work baby boy. Just for a little bit, okay? Daddy will be back in a few hours, I promise. You be good for mama, okay?” Peter just stared up at Tony, bottom lip quivering. He put his little thumb in his mouth and nodded sadly. How had they managed to make such an adorable and intelligent little boy? Tony gently tugged Peter’s thumb from his mouth, kissing Peter’s fist sweetly. “That’s my boy.”

And then Tony was gone. He vanished, as if he were never there to begin with, although Loki heard him shouting something back at them all the way to the front door.

When Loki would live through that morning the second time, he managed to convince Tony to stay back. If only there had not been a need for a second time. Tony had been extremely resistant to staying home. It took a lot of persuasion, and then making sure Peter was alright in his own room for a bit, before Loki was able to get Tony to stay. Let it never be said that he was against using his body as a bargaining chip. Especially if it meant holding on to his favorite human for just a little longer.

Only, it happened again a week later. This time, Loki found out on the news. _Tony Stark Dies in Tragic Car Crash_ , the headlines had read. Loki had felt his heart shatter into a million pieces once more, holding his infant son tight to his chest and just crying with him for a moment. Why must this keep happening? He wanted to beg of someone, anyone. Why was he not allowed this one small piece of happiness after all he had been through? Peter had been confused, not understanding why his Far was so upset. Little hands had lightly patted Loki’s cheeks, a soft, worried cooing coming from the baby nestled to his chest. Loki had managed a long, trembling breath after a brief pause, nodding down at little Peter.

“I am fine, dearest. And soon, daddy will be as well.”

He was wrong.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It just keeps happening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is one more part after this. And I really hope you like it, and that it somewhat makes up for how I ended this part. I know it likely won't make you feel any better after, but...

It was starting to get very draining for Loki to do this over and over again, but it just kept happening so he had to. He simply went back to right when Tony would die, always in a car crash, and get him to safety. He never let Tony know that he had done it, but the way he would cling to the other for prolonged periods of time was telling enough for the engineer. He started to become withdrawn from Loki and Peter, working day and night in his lab. That caused even more fights between them. ‘What are you doing? Your son misses you.’ _I miss you_. ‘I’m working. Go away.’

It certainly hurt to be tossed aside so easily by a mere mortal; it hurt even more that said mortal was Tony. The man claimed to love him but Loki started to doubt this fact over time. So, Loki drew away from Tony in turn. He began looking for a place to live, big enough for him and Peter. He did not want to separate his child from Tony, but refused to have him in a volatile environment for long. Tony was not happy when he figured out Loki’s plan.

The engineer stormed into their bedroom one night, for the first time in weeks, glare sharp when it fell upon Loki. “You can’t take him from me. He is my child, too.” He tried his best to sound firm. That, in a way, enraged Loki even more.

“Is he? You have not talked to me or Peter properly in _weeks_. You have as much claim to him as any of my other children’s other parents do to them.” Loki snarled, stalking over to glare Tony down. His shoulders are squared off, ready to lash out if need be. “I would rather not have him go through the same heartbreak of his half-siblings from having a parent leave. If we just end this now, he won’t even remember you.”

Tony took a jerking step back, eyes widening some. He ground his jaw some and clenched his fists at his side before reaching out and boldly poking Loki right in the center of his chest. The god looked down, confused by the gesture as Tony spoke. “Listen here. You… You can’t fucking try to tell me I’m like any of those other’s you’ve _fucked_ or let _fuck you_. Did you love them to? Did you marry them? Or do you not care for me either? Are you just sticking around out of some sick sense of obligation? Because if so, you can fucking leave. _Without_ my son.” The words came out fast, barely registering as Loki watched Tony’s face contort in pain before he yelled out. “Well? Am I?  Answer me!”

It was not the yelling that snapped Loki out of his confused trance, but a cry from the baby monitor on the bed side table. Both of them looked to it suddenly, Loki already moving to the door when a hand stopped him. “I’ve got him.” Tony’s voice was much softer now as he moved passed Loki. The god listened to him walk down the hall until he could hear him no more and then listened on the monitor as Tony entered the room. The baby went immediately silent when the door opened, cooing sweetly. Loki heard a soft chuckle, the baby giggling suddenly. _“I gotcha.”_ Tony’s voice said over the monitor. Loki heard the door shut, and moments later he heard footsteps coming down the hall again. He moved from his spot then, going to turn off the baby monitor. Peter would not go back to sleep in his own room, not now that Tony was bringing him to their room.

“Fa.” He looked over his shoulder at the sound of the happy little voice. Peter beamed at him, grabbing for him from Tony’s hold. The engineer was obviously hurt by this but handed over their son anyway.

“Hello, my dear.” Loki held the baby close, smiling at him. “Did we wake you? I apologize.” He heard Tony scoff and shot the engineer a glare as he sat the child on their bed. Peter stayed sitting, watching intently as Loki moved around to go sit on his side of the bed. After Loki was situated, he looked to Tony. Peter patted the bed, looking expectantly at Tony and babbling. “ _Your son_ requests your presence,” Loki stated pointedly.

Tony shot Loki a quick glare before plastering on a smile and moving to get comfortable on the bed. Loki pulled the child up to sit between them. “I do not wish to separate him from his family.” Loki’s voice is barely audible, not wanting to catch Peter’s attention as the child started to yawn. “I will if I must, though. Things must change, Anthony. I mean it.” He received a small nod from his husband at that. Tony understood.

“I just… Alright.” Tony mumbled. He did not want to continue arguing. Not now, with their son looking like he was about to pass out. He felt about ready to do the same, having slept on his cot in his lab for the past month. He lay down to get comfy, adjusting Peter so he was lying down as well. He runs a hand gently through his hair, watching as the baby starts to drift off.

It is an endearing sight. Loki sighed, shifting to lie down on his side so he was facing Tony and Peter. Without so much as a word, the lights in the room dimmed until they were off. “Goodnight, my loves.” He whispered, smirking a bit as Tony started to fall asleep as well. “I will see you both in the morning.”

.   .   .

Things finally started to settle for them. Loki slowly started to lose that constant tension that had settled upon his shoulders after saving Tony the second time. Peter’s first birthday came and went without another _incident_ , without Tony withdrawing from them further. They had a small gathering, at least compared to any sort of festivities that would have happened on Asgard. The Avengers team came to the Malibu house, which had put Loki on edge for a bit. Thor brought along his woman, the Lady Jane. All of them brought presents, spoiling the baby even more so than Loki and Tony had already.

Loki hated how much Peter loved all of them.

Peter was especially taken with the Captain, cooing happily at him and whining if the man so much as thought about setting him down. Hawkeye – Clint, rather – had avoided Peter for most of the time, until Thor had loudly passed his nephew to the man to fetch his gift for the boy. (“Armor, Thor, really? My child will not be seeing war any time soon, you great oaf.”) The archer had looked ready to dart, obviously having not wanted to be around Loki or Peter in the first place. Yet, the moment Peter had turned those little doe eyes on Clint and babbled sweetly at him, he seemed to win him over. The archer had not allowed Thor to retrieve his nephew after giving him the present, grumbling something none of them had been able to make out, but sounded eerily like, “you fucked Loki up, you won’t fuck this one up, too.” It was endearing, if also mildly offensive.

Although he had not originally wanted the others to join them in celebrating their son’s birthday, he actually ended up enjoying it. Watching Peter interact with all of them had been refreshing. Loki had particularly enjoyed watching Natasha flounder with what to do when Peter decided to wrap her red locks around his little fingers and pull. He had sat aside as Dr. Banner chuckled softly while calmly talking Peter into releasing her hair and extracting it from his fingers. Then the baby had latched onto Steve again, just happily sitting in his arms until it was nap time. At that point, Loki scooped him up and slipped away, leaving his husband to entertain their guests.

He had not expected to find _Odin_ , of all people, standing there. Loki had taken a step back, holding Peter tightly to his chest as his son tried to turn to look at the new person. “Fa?” He whined. Loki shushed him, mind working a mile a minute. He could not fight Odin, not with Peter in his hands. He could yell for the others, but he doubted they would get there in time.

Odin held his hands up, palms out and took a tentative step forward. “Loki, my son, I-“

“I am _not_ your son,” Loki spat out reflexively, gripping Peter a bit too hard. The one year-old whined again, and Loki whispered a soft apology to him. He pressed a kiss to his little temple, eye watching Odin’s every move.

“I raised you. You _are_ my son.” Odin’s voice was rough with anger; this was something Loki was used to. He could easily handle anger, if it prevents fighting or bought him some time. “And it is my job to tell you to _stop this_ , Loki. You’re meddling with things bigger than yourself. You can’t keep-“

_Oh._ Odin was here to scold him. Panic welled up in Loki’s chest, and he takes a startled step backwards. _Tony_. His husband, Odin was here to take the man from him. Loki would not allow it. Not after all he fought to keep him here. “Don’t. Don’t you _dare_ displace one hair on his head, Odin, for if you do, I will _burn you_. What I did prior, when the Dark Elves were on the prowl? Child’s play compared to what I will do to you if touch what is mine.” He was shaking, arms trembling where they held Peter snug against his chest.

“You cannot stop the inevitable, Loki. Hel will have what is hers.” The damned king oaf kept his voice firm, as if Loki had not been meddling with Hel since his younger years. He went silent for a moment, his eyes lingering on Peter. Loki clung a little tighter to him. Odin wiggled a few finger at Peter, earning a shy little giggle. “Hello, little one. I am your grandfather, although your Far will tell you otherwise.” Odin switched his attention back to Loki. “May I hold him?”

“You will not touch my son!” Loki shouted, hoping beyond hope that someone would hear him and come to them.

Odin rolled his eyes, taking the last step towards them. “Oh, stop your dramatics. I never harmed you as a babe, and you were born the son of my enemy. If I were to have harmed a child, it would have been you. This is my grandson, son of the babe I saved years ago instead of killing like the rest of his kind.” Odin slowly, carefully pulls Peter from Loki’s hold, the baby smiling and babbling up at him almost… _happily._ “Frigga would have adored you, young one.”

She would have, Loki agreed mentally. Peter was such a perfect child, and Frigga – _his mother_ – would have loved him. She would have absolutely adored Peter, doting on him constantly. She would have been the perfect matronly presence to have in Peter’s life. Loki would have not been able to keep her away from her grandson, or he would have had to fight her to keep him out of Asgard. Loki did not wish to put his child through the pomp and circumstance of royal life, although he was certainly entitled to it. Frigga would have dressed Peter up in all those annoyingly stiff traditional clothes, and showered him with love and toys to keep his attention when dealing with matters with the court. Just like she had with him and Thor.

“She would have,” Loki finally greeted allowed. He had opened his mouth to say something else when a hand on his lower back startled him. _Tony_. How had the man snuck up on him? Tony cast a worried look between Loki and Odin and Peter. “He won’t hurt him. He knows what I will do.”

“No offense, Lo, but I feel like he may want to be more worried about what the rest of the gang will do if he hurts Peter. Strength in numbers, and all.” Tony muttered softly, rubbing calming circles in the lower part of Loki’s back and watching Odin like a hawk.

Odin held Peter with great care, smiling as the child babbled to him. “He is not a shapeshifter,” Odin remarked over his shoulder to Loki. “Life will be much easier for him this way.”

“Life will be super easy for him here on Earth,” Tony added quickly, making his opinion very well known on how Loki was raised in that moment. “Loving parents who don’t lie to you, none of the pomp-and-circumstance of royal life, anything he could ever-“

Of course, leave it to Odin to be easily offended. “I did not lie to my children.” Odin snapped, earning an eye roll from Loki and a soft squawk from Peter.

“That’s not what I heard.”

Loki sighed, turning to Tony and giving him a firm look that said, ‘please stop.’ He moved across the room to reclaim his son from Odin, ignoring the glare the Allfather now wore. He would much prefer to pretend that Odin were not there, and never had been. To ignore what warning he brought with him. As if Odin would not have altered time to save his mother if he had the ability to do so. The king oaf had no room to pass judgement on him. None at all. Just because Loki had the means to keep his love alive and Odin did not was not Tony’s fault. Or Loki’s. And Loki would not let him take this from him, or threaten his family. He moved to settle Peter in Tony’s arms before turning back to Odin, stance firm and shoulder’s back.

“Leave, Allfather, and leave my family be. Should you harm either of them, or even consider it, I will make your life a never-ending nightmare. This I swear.” Loki kept sharp green eyes leveled on Odin, waiting the briefest of moments before the other Asgardian vanished before relaxing his posture and turning to pepper Tony and Peter gently in kisses. “He won’t touch you.” Voice just above a whisper, he inhaled deeply the scent of motor oil and coffee that was so very _Tony_ , and that of baby powder belonging to their son.

This was his family. And he would do whatever to keep them. Even if he had to tear a hole in time and space, Loki would. No one, not even Death, would take them from him.

.   .   .

After Peter’s birthday party, Loki started to see the Avengers hanging around their home more and more often. Most passed it off as simply needing to see Tony for equipment upgrades, although when Loki always found them with his sweet little Peter in their arms, one might see why he did not believe them ever. Thor at least had the decency not to lie, not that he had ever exceeded at doing so anyway. “I have come to shower my nephew in affection, and sugary treats, as is my right as his uncle.” Thor would always declare, Peter giggling brightly and clapping because yes, he loved it when his Uncle Thor gave him sweets and played with him. Even if it absolutely drove Loki up the wall with how hyper the one year-old would get.

Loki would not begrudge his son the company of others, even if he was skeptical of said others. Socialization was good for small children. And he was constantly surrounded by people that Loki knew were plenty capable of protecting Peter in case he was not near enough, or incapacitated for some reason. Having the other Avengers around also appeared to have a good effect on Tony’s mood, and he now had more people to help him haul his beloved from the workshop every night. As much as he did not want to say it, having the band of Earthling oafs and his brother around had turned out to make life a thousand times easier.

Time seemed to fly by without incident then. One year became two, which became three, and then four, and suddenly little Peter was starting school. Loki had started to notice a stiffness settle in Tony’s bones, although the other did his best to hide it around their son. It brought a sadness to the god to be reminded of the short lives that humans lived. Peter would likely gradually slowdown in his aging, possibly almost as much as an Asgardian might. Tony, though? Tony would not. And Loki hated that for him.

So, it was with a bit of nervousness that he slipped away one day to retrieve something he should have gotten years ago.

Of course Tony was both upset and overjoyed when he returned. He had expected – and deserved – the smack he got, simply rubbing at his jaw some. “Where the _fuck_ were you? God, you had me worried sick! Peter has not slept properly in the last two days, and neither have I.” Tony rambled, snagging handfuls of Loki’s shirt and pulling him close. “You can’t just _leave_ us like that. That- that’s not fair. Leave a note or something, Lo. I just-“ Tony went silent, but Loki was acutely aware of the dampness spreading in the front of his shirt where Tony’s face was buried.

Loki settled a hand on Tony’s back, the other burying in his hair and rubbing lightly at his scalp. “I apologize, love. I had errands to run, and did not realize they would take quite as long in Earth time. I would have left a note if I had the forethought to do so. I will not be leaving again, though.” No, he had what he needed now. It was just a matter of presenting it to Tony at the right time. And perhaps getting Thor on his side in case Odin found out and decided to try and ruin this for him, too. “We will always be together. Always.”

It had been _years_ since Tony had spent all of that time looping back and forth to save his husband. Years, and he had assumed that cycle had come to an end. Hel had given up on his Tony. She would get him from old age, unless Loki could find a way to present him with the apple he had snagged. By the time Peter’s Christmas break had rolled around, Loki had still not found a way to properly approach that issue. He still had the apple, stashed away where no one would find it. It was safe, safe for his other half to join him in eternity, or as long as they could have. He considered doing it over their Christmas vacation. It would be a perfect time for it. A time of celebration. A time of love.

In a surprising turn of events, Tony had revealed that he wanted them to go visit the house in the mountains he had visited as a kid. Of course, with the Starks, a house really meant a three story deluxe cabin with only the best amenities money could buy. Loki had snorted out a laugh when Tony showed him the pictures, but kissed his pouting love on the forehead and offered him a smile. “Looks lovely. When are we leaving?”

Leaving meant flying to New York, which Loki was less than fond of. He preferred teleportation, or keeping his feet firmly planted on the ground. From the airport, they had grabbed a car. “It is a few hours from here, so you can go ahead and rest up. I’ll wake you both when we get there.” Tony assured. So Loki settled in the back with Peter, the little boy leaning out of his booster seat so he could somewhat cuddle with his Far. Tony had smiled back at them in the rearview mirror, and Loki had smiled back before allowing himself a few moments’ rest.

.   .   .

Loki woke to a sharp pain in his side. Well, abdomen really. He could smell gasoline a bit, and smoke. His eyes struggled to focus for a long moment, blinking over and over again. He made out soft little sobs, and that urged to awareness faster. _Peter_. He shook his head, vision clearly slowly. He almost wished it had not cleared. The car was on its side, part of the car door through Loki’s side causing his pain. Little Peter was bruised up badly, dangling some from his booster seat. He had several scratches and a deep cut in one arm, but looked relatively unscathed otherwise.

Tony was not moving in the front seat.

“D-Daddy? M-m-mama?” Peter sobbed, trying to reach for his seat belt to get himself free. It was always mama when Peter was upset, or hurt. Loki had to tear his gaze from Tony and force his heart to beat once more as he cooed weakly at Peter.

“Shh, baby. Shhh. It… It will be okay. I promise.” Loki said, keeping his tone as even and panic free as possible. “S-someone will come get us soon, okay? Jarvis probably sent out a call, and Uncle Thor will be here any minute now. J-just stay there, okay? Stay in your seat.”

Loki’s heart broke further at the pitiful little head shake he got in reply, Peter’s bottom lip quivering. “I _hurt_.” He whined, reaching a hand towards Loki. The trickster snatched it up, holding Peter’s little hand tightly to focus on something other than the absolute stillness in the driver’s seat. _Oh gods, please no, not after all this, please. Just be passed out. Just be passed out._ “I wanna go home.”

Loki squeezed Peter’s hand tightly. “I know, baby. Me too.” He mumbled softly. A crack of thunder from above startled Peter and Loki both, but it served to soothe Loki’s nerves some after. Thunder meant Thor, and Thor at this moment in time meant saving his baby. Peter was priority number one, and if Loki had the strength to get him out, he would have done so already.

If Loki had the strength, all of this would be gone from Peter’s mind, and Tony would not be hanging limp in the front seat as Thor fished them out. Loki had enough sense about him to order the other to get Peter first, then Tony. When Thor gave him a pitying look, Loki did his best to ignore it, waiting for his brother to take him out of here, too. Thor’s hands hovered over him for many long moments, unsure of how best to get Loki free from the door. There was no good way, though, no painless way.

Loki could not find it in him to care. His love was gone. _His love was gone._


	3. Chapter 3

It turned out he had been wrong. He learned this while he held little Peter as still as possible as a doctor stitched some of his cuts up. Tony was not dead, but he may as well have been. He may not have been dead, but he was still _gone_. Braindead, apparently. This diagnosis was confirmed by Banner, who had worked very closely with Tony and had seen readings of his brain activity levels many times in the past. “This is not even five percent of what Tony’s brain activity looked like sleeping, Loki. I’m sorry.”

And that was all anyone said about it. _I’m sorry_. It was starting to grate at his nerves, which were already wearing thin as he did his best to ignore the pain from the large hole in his side and his chest. He was still much too weak to attempt any sort of magic, and as time passed, he knew travelling back to save Tony would just be that much more draining. He _needed_ these doctors to hurry with Peter and then himself. He was going to be cutting it close. As the poor child whined softly in his hold, Loki looked about the room.

There was a doctor and nurse, whispering softly to Peter as they worked. Thor and the Captain stood at the door, both keeping their expressions blank and posture firm; they were guarding them. How cute. Clint sat beside Loki, oddly enough, talking to Peter with the doctor and nurse in a soft tone. It was odd to see the archer so relaxed around Loki, completely at ease speaking with his child. Loki would not question it, not if it was helping Peter at all. Bruce was hunched over in a chair off to the side, knees pulled up he could rest his forehead against them with his hands buried in his already messy hair. He looked like he was teetering on the edge of man and beast. Loki prayed his control was as good as Tony had always claimed it to be.

“All done.” The doctor said to Peter, tone light as the nurse wrapped both cuts in bandaging so the five year old would not possibly pick at them and remove the stitches. Peter sniffled some, pushing his face into Loki’s chest. “Do you maybe want a sticker? You were such a good boy.” Peter did not so much as move at the prospect of getting a sticker. The doctor frowned softly, reaching out to give Loki’s shoulder a pat. “You ready? I’m sure we can do something to at least make you more comfortable, if not really heal you.”

Loki gave a quick nod, turning to Thor. His brother moved forward at once, reaching for the sniffling little bundle curled against him. “Peter, I need you to go with-“

“No!” The outburst from the child surprised them all, Loki’s eyes widening briefly as Peter just took a bigger handful of Loki’s shirt and pressed his face into the fabric. “No. Don’t wanna. G-gonna stay with you. Don’t want you to g-go, too.”

 _Ah_.

Loki pulled in a slow breath to try and calm himself, one hand rubbing soothing circles against Peter’s back as Thor stood by them awkwardly. No one spoke, all just staring at Loki and Peter and worried about what to do. _Nothing_ , he wanted to tell them. They could all do nothing. He did not say this, though. Instead, he spoke in a soft voice to his distressed son. “Peter. I’m not going anywhere. I can promise you that. I just need you to let someone else hold you while the doctor fixes my… boo-boos like he did yours. Okay?” Loki was unsurprised by the firm little head shake he got in return. “How about you sit with one of your uncles, and hold my hand?”

His sweet little Peter sat still for a moment, contemplating, before he looked up at Loki and nodded. God, he looked so much like his father it hurt. He had those same doe brown eyes and that mess of dark brown hair on his head that never sat orderly, no matter what Loki did to try and tame it. “I’ll keep you safe, mama.” He mumbled, giving Loki a tiny smile.

He ruffled his son’s hair gently. “I’m not your mama, you brat.” A little smile spread his lips at the giggle that got him. It was small and unsure, but it was not the broken sounds leaving his son from hours before. They would likely improve over time.

It always came back to time, it seemed.

Hands were suddenly pulling Peter from him, and Loki was startled to find Clint taking the five year-old into his lap. The archer had already occupied the seat next to him previously to help distract Peter, so it did make sense to have him hold the boy if Loki was also supposed to hold his hand. Peter whined briefly, but Clint shushed him expertly, petting his hair gently. “He’s still got your hand, Pete. See? Nothing to worry about. The doctor has to help him now, just like he said.”

Clint continued to chatter on with Peter as the five year-old held tightly to Loki’s hand. It did little to distract him from the pain, both emotional and physical.

.   .   .

When they were finally done stitching him up, Loki and Peter were able to see Tony. The man looked like a big, casted bruise. He was covered in cast, going up both his arms and his right leg. His neck was in a brace. There were all sorts of machines hooked up to him, keeping his body alive for just a little while longer. This was his love’s existence now.

“I just wanted more time,” Loki whispered softly, watching as Thor helped Peter lay next to his father in the hospital bed. There were tears rolling down Peter’s cheeks as he cried softly into the hospital gown Tony was wearing, resting his head on his chest. “Just… Just a little more time.”

Thor must have heard him, sending him a sad look. “Mortals are not known for their lifespans, brother. I am sorry you have lost yours. There is still Peter, though. Do not give up now.” Loki wanted to snap at that, at the insinuation that he would just end his own life, or go off on some sort of evil rampage without Tony. He wanted to, to follow his love. But he would not. He was stronger than that. “Your son needs you.”

“I know.” It came out rough sounding, just above a whisper. Loki was unsure if the roughness was anger or desperation. He hated it either way. He hated this, hated Hel, hated Odin, hated himself. He was not enough. He had failed his love. The apple was still safely hidden away. The apple that, were Tony still present in his body, he would force feed the human at this very moment.

There was nothing left to save, though. Just a shell. He felt it, the emptiness of Tony’s mind. It was frightening, reaching out for the other to feel absolutely nothing. Braindead. Bruce had said Tony was braindead, and he had not been wrong.

Loki sat by Tony’s bedside for a long time as Peter fell asleep cuddled up to the husk of his father. He had eventually reached out and laced his fingers with one of the motionless hands. They were still warm. He still had a pulse, but it felt wrong. Loki did his best to ignore his own sniveling that had started after Peter had drifted off, holding tightly to Tony’s hand and trying to will himself to heal faster. If he could get himself in decent shape before the day was over, he could go back. It would drain him almost completely, but he could do it. He would do it. He would do anything for Tony. Anything.

The rest of Tony’s team trickled in over time. Thor moved to loom by Loki’s side, a hand rested between his shoulder blades in an obvious attempt at comfort. The captain looked absolutely lost, hovering on the other side of his friend’s bed with an expression flickering through a variety of emotions. Banner took up the same position as before, curled into a ball in a seat off to the side and as far away from everyone as he could get. The archer hung back at the doorway, taking up the same guard duty it had appeared Steve and Thor were working hours before. The widow even showed up eventually, slipping in and avoiding eye contact with everyone. Her hair hung in her face, just managing to hide puffy red eyes from the rest of them if she kept her head at the right angle.

They made him want to save Tony even more. They needed him, obviously. Just like Peter needed him. Just like Loki needed him. He just needed to gather up enough strength to go back. He would save his love. He would.

.   .   .

“We need to discuss Tony’s… condition.” Loki’s head had snapped up from watching Peter whisper stuff to his motionless father, eyes locking onto the doctor. The man looked extremely uncomfortable, and rightfully so. He was surrounded by the Avengers, and a man who had nearly beaten them. And he appeared to have bad news. He continued after clearing his throat, “The likelihood of Tony waking up is… Well, it is not good. Dr. Banner knows the numbers. We’re talking a less than one percent chance of him ever waking up, let alone being able to have a life even remotely close to what he used to. You can easily keep him on life support for a while, if you want, but in cases like this, we generally recommend the family let their loved one drift off. We have really good…”

Loki was not listening anymore. He could not. He just stared in horror at the man in the bed next to him, at how Peter clung to him. Their son was not stupid. He had heard what was going on. He knew what was likely to happen.  And the way Peter’s little knuckles went white as he gripped Tony’s gown even tighter made Loki’s heart seize in his chest. This was not supposed to happen. A child was not supposed to lose a parent this young. Not like this. Never like this.

“No.” Loki startled everyone in the room when he interrupted the doctor. He released Tony’s hand and rose slowly, ignoring the pain in his side. “No. He- he may be gone now, but I have ways, I can go back and-“

Thor grabbed his shoulders and turned him to face him, expression stern but eyes filled with endless worry. “Loki, no. You can’t- you _should not_ meddle with things such as this. Hel will come for him, for you, possibly even Peter. She will have what is hers. You know this.”

“Excuse me, what?” Clint had moved from where he was leaning against the door, brow arched. “Hell? That’s a person? Like, an actual person? And they are trying to go after Tony? Then what the fuck are we waiting for, let’s take this bitch out!”

Thor shook his head, looking mildly exasperated, “No, no, not Hell, _Hel_. She rules Helheim, where the dead reside. She is ruthless, and will have what she deems is hers.” This part was mostly directed at Loki, he was still stiff in Thor’s hold. “She is not to be meddled with. At all.”

“But, Far did it before.”

The little voice that spoke up from the bed has shocked everyone, especially the poor, extremely confused doctor still standing in the center of the room. Bruce had even raised his head up, eyes darting between Peter and Loki. Loki was just as shocked as everyone else. How had Peter known any of that? He had been much too young to remember. And Loki certainly never spoke of it. “H-how do you know that, love?”

“Daddy told me.” Peter said simply. “I was asking him how you know you love someone, cause there is this really pretty girl in my class, and I thought I loved her, but daddy said it was only a crush. So, I asked how he knew you loved him, and he said he knew you loved him because you wouldn’t let him die. Y-you didn’t want to live without him. Right, Far?” Loki gave a tiny nod, ignoring the invisible hand clenching his heart. Tony had told Peter that?

Why had he not given him that damn apple sooner?

Thor squeezed Loki’s shoulders lightly, “You cannot keep doing this, brother.” His voice was soft, eyes full of pity. “It will just keep happening. You know this.”

“ _Obviously_ ,” Loki hissed, ignoring how his vision watered. “I know. I-I’ve done it more times than I can count, but he had been fine for years and a part of me had just hoped he would stay that way. I-I _need_ him, Thor.”

“Maybe it is best to let go, Loki.” Steve spoke up this time, pulling the trickster’s attention to him in an instant.

He snarled at the man, “ _Let go?_ You know nothing of this level of loss, Captain. Do not tell me to let go.”

Steve squared his shoulders and crossed his arms over his chest, levelling Loki with a look that spoke of past pain. “I lost my best friend, my other half, on a mission. He got blown out the side of a train, and was hanging on by a bar on the side. When I tried to grab him, to save him, my grip slipped and I missed him because I pulled back to keep from falling.” There was a soft quiver to his voice at the end, barely there but screamingly obvious compared to the captain’s usual firm and commanding tone. “Don’t say I know nothing about letting go.”

The room was dead silent for a long moment before the doctor slipped out awkwardly, mumbling about letting a nurse know when they had come to a decision. They all stood there, no one knowing what to say or do. What else was there? Tony was dead, or as good as dead. Loki could save him, but for how much longer? The others were just learning of his many attempts from before, just processing this information. What were they supposed to do? What was Loki supposed to do?

“Daddy would not want to live like this.” Peter was who broke the silence, little tears starting to well up from his eyes as he lip quivered. “H-he can’t invent like this, or help people. A-and… And daddy really liked doing that. He won’t be happy.” Peter pulled in a couple shaky breaths before the sobs came up full force, racking his little frame. Loki quickly moved to wrap him tightly against his chest, ignoring the pain in his side as he held his baby to his chest and rocked him back and forth like he had done all those years before as he tried to soothe him. “D-daddy won’t wanna die, and I don-don’t want him t-t-t-to, but… But he i-is j-just gonna die again, yeah? I don’t want daddy to keep getting hurt, m-mama.”

 _Oh Peter_ , Loki wanted to say, but found himself unable to speak, words coming out as choked back sobs instead. How was his five year-old so aware of things like this? How? Instead, he pressed his face into Peter’s hair, a carbon copy of his father’s, and just cried softly. Peter had a point. Maybe it was time to let Tony stop hurting, even if it meant Loki hurting some in the process. He had lived with heartbreak before. Never as strong as this, but he had. He could not stand the thought of watching Tony die again, and again, and again.

“I do not either, Peter.” Loki mumbled eventually. The words hurt, but he gave Thor a little nod after a moment. His brother slipped away and returned with the doctor moments later. Many things were discussed, but Loki chose not to remember them. He did his best to block out the hours after the talk, laying in the bed with Tony and Peter as his love slowly drifted off. He ignored the beeping of the monitors as Tony went into cardiac arrest, or the soft release of one last breath. He focused on Peter, on trying his hardest to soothe the child as he cried and cried.

Loki should have never gone back. He had been selfish, so selfish. And now he had to watch his child lose his father, and be acutely aware of how badly he had failed them both in trying to keep his little family together for just a bit longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed this feels roller coaster. I have been working on this one for a while, and finally, FINALLY... it was presentable. Thanks to everybody for reading or leaving kudos.


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